Going a little crazy …

Not much to report. Today is CD 26… and I am seriously going insane. I try so hard to think about other things but it’s impossible. I just want AF to get here! I’m really glad that I’m on a break this cycle. I truly needed this time to prepare financially and emotionally for IVF. But now, I’m prepared. I’m ready to GO! I really don’t think that I’ve ever been so impatient about anything in my whole life.  

I picked up my birth control pills last night and I was strangely excited. I know that starting birth control is really nothing special and that I will still have a few weeks before I start injections but it feels great to be prepared. It was seriously the highlight of my night.

I talked to my nurse and she said that after I start the BC pills (on CD 1) I will need to schedule my mock embryo transfer and we will also order my big box of fertility drugs. I’m still a little nervous about the injections but I’ve done a lot research and watched a ton of videos so I’m feeling much more prepared.

I’m SO happy it’s Friday. I should be too distracted over the weekend to think about how slow time is moving and hopefully AF will arrive by Monday!  

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Tagged! A Survey....

I was tagged by my dear, sweet blog friend, Lulu for this cute survey! Here are the rules:

Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule #2: tag 4 people to do this quiz; they cannot refuse (ok, so nothing bad will happen if you don’t participate but I would love to see your answers). The tag-ee must state who tagged them.

Okay… so I’m going to tag (I hope I’m doing this right!) some of my other favorite bloggers:

Jill at Hubby, baby and me… our family of 3

Kerrick at Uncommon Nonsense

Kelly at  The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow (I Hope)

And So It Goes at Life in the Detours

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family? Definitely, definitely FAMILY members! I love my pups so much!

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be? A successful first cycle of IVF, followed by a healthy, happy pregnancy, followed by a full-term, happy and healthy baby!

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?

A billion? Whoa… I could do a lot with that!

My top priorities would be…

- Pay off IVF

- Buy a new SUV

- Buy a new house

- Stealing this from Lulu, but I couldn’t agree more! - Quit my job and just focus on getting pregnant all day long!!! :)

- Get a few more pups!

- Take an amazing vacation

- Lots of other stuff!

4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood? Snuggling with my hubby and pups! I also really enjoy reading blogs of women who have gone through infertility and have had success… it gives me hope and definitely helps to pull me out of a bad mood!

5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? That my body would get pregnant and STAY pregnant!

6. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other? We met at work! I was not interested in him at first because he is a lot older than I am (10 years) but he could ALWAYS make me laugh. I’m glad I gave him a chance because he’s still making me laugh 6 years later!

7. What kind of books do you read? Please don’t say anything, but I really like Mary Higgins Clark books. Feel free to laugh and talk amongst yourselves now. 

I’m also currently reading a very interesting book on IVF called “The Couples Guide to In Vitro Fertilization”. I’m not really learning too much more than I already knew but I will read anything that has to do with fertility treatments.

8. How do you see yourself in 10 years? A mom! With one or two little ones.

9. What’s your fear? Being childless forever. I try not to think about it very much but it is my biggest fear.  

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space? No way. Not a chance.

11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? I usually think about how I would really love to go back to sleep for a few hours!

12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be? I wish that he were an RE. That way he would understand everything that I tell him about IVF! :)

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be? Mrs. Peyton Manning… Just kidding! I wouldn’t change my name.

14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose? Sun!! I can’t wait for it to get warmer here in Maryland… I’m so ready for Spring!

15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be? Sushi. But since I am hoping to be pregnant sometime in the next six months, I will eat anything that is pregnancy approved!

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most? I love having the ability to get my crazy thoughts out of my head. I also really LOVE to read other women’s stories. It helps so much to know that there are other people in similar situations.

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods? I would have to say salty. But let the record show that I really DO love sweet foods too.

18. What items are in your purse right now? Wallet, IPod/headphones, Gum, Brush, mirror, pen, my daily planner, Chap Stick, my latest Mary Higgins Clark book (I’m a NERD!), Cell phone, and my adorable new pill case that I just got off of eBay to hold all of my daily pills.

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go? The BEACH!!

20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn't? I usually watch Netflix. But I did rent the Back Up Plan recently … that movie was ALL about pregnancy. I knew I shouldn’t have watched it … but I did. Even though it made me a little sad, I kind of liked it!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

So I’m a day late but I hope that everyone had a great Valentine’s Day! Mark asked me what I wanted a few days ago and I told him that I wanted a successful first IVF cycle! :) In the end, we decided not to do gifts and go out to a fancy dinner…. I’d much rather spend that money towards medication costs! Instead, we ordered a heart-shaped pizza and watched our Netflix instant queue. It was a perfect evening.

In other news, our loan has been officially approved and we thankfully got a great interest rate. I also spoke with my nurse and I’m officially starting IVF on CD 1 of my next cycle! Well, I will start birth control pills then but it’s still very exciting! We have a ton of consent forms that we need to fill out so hopefully that will keep me busy until AF arrives. I’m on CD 16 right now… the waiting is so tough! Now that the financial aspect of IVF is taken care of, I just want to move forward! I hope I can learn to be more patient so I don’t drive myself or my husband crazy.

Anyway… in honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d share a few pics from our wedding. I can’t believe it’s been almost 3 years!

Making Progress

Yesterday, I received the approval letter for the Shared Risk IVF program through my fertility clinic and I was also notified that we qualified for a bit of a discount too! Every little bit helps and I’m very thankful that they are offering this to us. I also received our pre-approval letter from Fertility Finance with a much better interest rate and payment than I expected! I just need to provide a few more documents to them and then we should be good to go.

I can’t believe that things are falling into place so quickly. The only thing I’m a little nervous about is the cost of medications. I’ve done a little research and it looks like my insurance will cover most of them but I really don’t know what to expect. We decided to finance the whole Shared Risk amount and kept back the $5000.00 we had originally saved for it to use for medication costs. Hopefully with our insurance, the price won’t be as bad as I am imagining.

I haven’t gotten an IVF protocol as of yet. I’m just waiting for the loan to go through completely before we set up anything. Right now, I’m on CD 11 and I’m guessing I would start birth control pills at the beginning of my next cycle? If that’s the case, then I still have some time to get the financial aspect of our treatments squared away before I need to start focusing on medications and appointments.

Just writing this post is making me excited. When we first decided to try IVF, I was pretty scared. I used to read blogs about women going through IVF and I just could not imagine myself in their shoes. I kept thinking that Mark and I were crazy. I mean, how many people go directly from timed intercourse cycles with Clomid to IVF? The more I’ve thought about it though, the better I feel. I know this is the right decision for us. Could we have tried a few cycles of IUI with injectables? Sure. Would they have worked? Maybe…. Who knows? But we were already paying a few hundred dollars each month in co-pays, medication, etc. …. I would rather be putting that money towards a treatment that has higher success rates and a 100% money back guarantee if we don’t bring home a baby from the hospital. With this Shared Risk program, we get 6 fresh cycles of IVF (it also includes all FET’s – but they do not count against your fresh cycles) for one price and if we don’t succeed, we get our money back. It’s awesome. I don’t even want to think about this not working for us but if it doesn’t? We can use our refunded money towards donor eggs or adoption.

I’m still a little nervous though. I used to have to psych myself up before I would let Mark give me ONE injection of Ovidrel each month. So, the thought of daily injections makes me feel a little dizzy. But I know I can do it. I’m just REALLY excited that things are falling into place and I’m hoping that everything continues to go smoothly.

All in all, I think that 2011 will be a much better year for us. I mean, the Packers won the Superbowl…. That has to be a good sign, right? :)

IVF Video – Inside the Lab

I found this really cool video on you tube last night that gives a behind the scenes look at IVF. It really is an amazing process. I had Mark watch it with me and he really liked it… I hope the link works! :)

In other news, not too much going on. We have sent in our application for one of the IVF programs so now we are just waiting for a response. Praying that we get good news! :)

Clomid Cycle #3 – BFN…. UGH….

Yup… it’s official. I ended up not calling my nurse about IVF last week because I decided to wait this cycle out. At 10 DPO, I noticed that my breasts were really sore. They felt just like they did on my first Clomid cycle when I had the chemical pregnancy. So I did something I’ve never done before. I tested EARLY at 12 DPO… And it was negative… And I was REALLY upset. So I had a little bit of a melt down with my hubby. I cried a little and I felt better. I think that I was really upset because I just felt pregnant. I really thought that I was this time and I was pissed that I wasn’t. Mark told me that I should wait and test again at 14 DPO (yesterday) but I didn’t. I really didn’t want to see another negative pregnancy test staring back at me.

This morning I woke up, and guess who decided to make an appearance? Yup… my period. I wasn’t as upset as I thought I would be. I’m just ready to move on.

So I called my nurse as soon as I got to work. Guess what? She is out on leave! PERFECT!!! Exactly the news I wanted to hear! UGH! So I have a new nurse while she is out. GREAT. I did not want to explain to someone that I have never talked to before why I wanted to move from timed intercourse cycles to IVF. But I left her a message anyway and she called me back a little while ago. She said that after reviewing my chart, she doesn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t be able to move on to IVF if that’s what we wanted to do. I then spoke with the financial counselor and she is mailing me the applications for the Shared Risk and Shared Help programs. It looks like there is a possibility that we may qualify for a discount too! I will definitely keep my fingers crossed. Every little bit helps!

So that’s that! Nothing too exciting … but we are moving on. That’s all that really matters to me. We have to have some time to get all of our applications in for the IVF programs before we can get started so we are on a break this cycle. I thought I would be upset by this but I’m not. I’m looking forward to a little break. I know IVF can be emotionally and physically draining, so I think it will be good to take some time off before starting treatments anyway.

Mark asked me a little while ago if I was feeling comfortable with our decision to move on to IVF so soon. I told him that I’m nervous, scared, and excited at the same time. It feels so strange! It’s such a big step but I’m definitely comfortable with it. I just hope that the IVF paperwork process goes smoothly and quickly!

Moving Forward

Today is CD 22… and I have a terrible feeling that this cycle did not work either. I feel exactly the same way I did last month. I know that it is still pretty early (I’m 8 DPO) so I guess we will see what happens in the next few days. Regardless, I’m planning to call my nurse tomorrow to find out what the plan is for next cycle if this one ends with a BFN. My fertility clinic only lets you do 3-4 cycles of Clomid before moving on so I’m curious to find out if they are going to want me to move on to the next step… which I assume would possibly be injectables (with or without an IUI). I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I honestly don’t think I want to go that route. I have been thinking a LOT about moving straight to IVF. I know that seems like a huge step (especially since I’ve gotten pregnant twice before) but it’s one that my husband has been wanting me to consider for a while now.  

My fertility clinic offers a “Shared Risk” program which includes 6 fresh cycles of IVF (plus all FET cycles) for one price. If you are NOT successful (and they define “success” by bringing home a baby) then you get a full refund. The cost of the program is about the same as buying that new Honda Pilot we have been looking at for a while. Call me crazy, but I think I’d rather spend the money on a baby than on the new SUV we’ve been wanting. :) The only thing is that they make you opt out of your insurance to do this program. My insurance would only cover about 40% for IVF right now so we’d still have to pay out of pocket for a lot of it anyway. So I really am not too concerned about doing this since the program gives you a money back guarantee. We have a little over $5000.00 in cash that we would be able to put towards it but we would need to get a loan for the rest. This really wouldn’t be a big deal either since we don’t have any credit card debt or car payments so we could definitely afford the monthly payments. Right now, we are spending a few hundred dollars every month in co-pays, medication, acupuncture, and gas money for timed intercourse cycles. I’d rather start spending that money on IVF instead of continuing with treatments that may or may not work. I know that IVF doesn’t guarantee us a pregnancy or even a baby but the success rates are a lot higher than what we are doing currently…. Especially for someone in my age group (I’m 25).

So… bottom line, I’m calling my nurse tomorrow. I will see what she and the doctor are suggesting for next cycle and depending on what they say, I may see if we can set up an appointment with the doctor for an IVF consult. Everything is still up in the air, but I’m hoping that it all works out. So even though this all feels like a huge leap, it’s one that I’m getting more comfortable with making. I’m so ready to move on!