Clomid Cycle #3 – BFN…. UGH….

Yup… it’s official. I ended up not calling my nurse about IVF last week because I decided to wait this cycle out. At 10 DPO, I noticed that my breasts were really sore. They felt just like they did on my first Clomid cycle when I had the chemical pregnancy. So I did something I’ve never done before. I tested EARLY at 12 DPO… And it was negative… And I was REALLY upset. So I had a little bit of a melt down with my hubby. I cried a little and I felt better. I think that I was really upset because I just felt pregnant. I really thought that I was this time and I was pissed that I wasn’t. Mark told me that I should wait and test again at 14 DPO (yesterday) but I didn’t. I really didn’t want to see another negative pregnancy test staring back at me.

This morning I woke up, and guess who decided to make an appearance? Yup… my period. I wasn’t as upset as I thought I would be. I’m just ready to move on.

So I called my nurse as soon as I got to work. Guess what? She is out on leave! PERFECT!!! Exactly the news I wanted to hear! UGH! So I have a new nurse while she is out. GREAT. I did not want to explain to someone that I have never talked to before why I wanted to move from timed intercourse cycles to IVF. But I left her a message anyway and she called me back a little while ago. She said that after reviewing my chart, she doesn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t be able to move on to IVF if that’s what we wanted to do. I then spoke with the financial counselor and she is mailing me the applications for the Shared Risk and Shared Help programs. It looks like there is a possibility that we may qualify for a discount too! I will definitely keep my fingers crossed. Every little bit helps!

So that’s that! Nothing too exciting … but we are moving on. That’s all that really matters to me. We have to have some time to get all of our applications in for the IVF programs before we can get started so we are on a break this cycle. I thought I would be upset by this but I’m not. I’m looking forward to a little break. I know IVF can be emotionally and physically draining, so I think it will be good to take some time off before starting treatments anyway.

Mark asked me a little while ago if I was feeling comfortable with our decision to move on to IVF so soon. I told him that I’m nervous, scared, and excited at the same time. It feels so strange! It’s such a big step but I’m definitely comfortable with it. I just hope that the IVF paperwork process goes smoothly and quickly!

Moving Forward

Today is CD 22… and I have a terrible feeling that this cycle did not work either. I feel exactly the same way I did last month. I know that it is still pretty early (I’m 8 DPO) so I guess we will see what happens in the next few days. Regardless, I’m planning to call my nurse tomorrow to find out what the plan is for next cycle if this one ends with a BFN. My fertility clinic only lets you do 3-4 cycles of Clomid before moving on so I’m curious to find out if they are going to want me to move on to the next step… which I assume would possibly be injectables (with or without an IUI). I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I honestly don’t think I want to go that route. I have been thinking a LOT about moving straight to IVF. I know that seems like a huge step (especially since I’ve gotten pregnant twice before) but it’s one that my husband has been wanting me to consider for a while now.  

My fertility clinic offers a “Shared Risk” program which includes 6 fresh cycles of IVF (plus all FET cycles) for one price. If you are NOT successful (and they define “success” by bringing home a baby) then you get a full refund. The cost of the program is about the same as buying that new Honda Pilot we have been looking at for a while. Call me crazy, but I think I’d rather spend the money on a baby than on the new SUV we’ve been wanting. :) The only thing is that they make you opt out of your insurance to do this program. My insurance would only cover about 40% for IVF right now so we’d still have to pay out of pocket for a lot of it anyway. So I really am not too concerned about doing this since the program gives you a money back guarantee. We have a little over $5000.00 in cash that we would be able to put towards it but we would need to get a loan for the rest. This really wouldn’t be a big deal either since we don’t have any credit card debt or car payments so we could definitely afford the monthly payments. Right now, we are spending a few hundred dollars every month in co-pays, medication, acupuncture, and gas money for timed intercourse cycles. I’d rather start spending that money on IVF instead of continuing with treatments that may or may not work. I know that IVF doesn’t guarantee us a pregnancy or even a baby but the success rates are a lot higher than what we are doing currently…. Especially for someone in my age group (I’m 25).

So… bottom line, I’m calling my nurse tomorrow. I will see what she and the doctor are suggesting for next cycle and depending on what they say, I may see if we can set up an appointment with the doctor for an IVF consult. Everything is still up in the air, but I’m hoping that it all works out. So even though this all feels like a huge leap, it’s one that I’m getting more comfortable with making. I’m so ready to move on!

A Great Weekend

I had a really great weekend. We normally go out with friends on Friday nights, but since we had to get up early to drive down to my monitoring appointment on Saturday, we decided to make dinner at home and watch a movie. We watched Inception... it was kind of hard to follow, but I really liked it!

Saturday morning, I got up bright and early to go to my CD 12 monitoring appointment at my RE’s main office (which is about 1 ½ hours away). While I was in the shower, I prayed for 2 growing follicles. I even prayed that if I couldn’t have two, please, PLEASE let me have just one big follie.

My wish came true. My favorite ovary (Lefty!) produced a 20 mm follicle… on CD 12! I didn’t have any others over 10 mm but that was fine with me. I was so happy with my beautiful follicle and that I had responded so early. I was so afraid that I was going to go through a cycle similar to last month.

So anyway… a nurse called me later that day with my blood work results and instructed me to go ahead and trigger that night! :) So we packed up my Ovidrel and went over to a friend’s house for the Packers vs. Falcons game.  Mark and I later snuck into a bathroom and he shot me full of HCG… it was really weird but I don’t think anyone noticed we were gone. We had a great night and most importantly, the Packers won! They are going to be in the NFC championship game! Now if only my cutie Peyton Manning and the Colts could have made it to the AFC championship… I would have LOVED a Packers/Colts super bowl! Maybe next year… :)

So after a very “BUSY” Saturday night and Sunday… I guess my two week wait officially begins today. I started on a few projects at home to try and keep me occupied this time. We will see how well it works! Let the fun begin!

I Wish I Could Blog About Something Other Than TTC…

I often want to blog about things OTHER than TTC. Truth be told, however, I live and breathe all things related to making a baby. As much as I complain about getting up early and driving to the RE’s office, it makes me feel good. I feel like I’m DOING something. I complain about my medicine but I also feel good about taking all of those pills at night. I am DOING something to try to help my situation. Even those DISGUSTING progesterone suppositories help get me through my TWW. I just realized today that I live for every appointment and every night when it’s time to take my medicine. I’m obsessed.

I’m not completely crazy though. Infertility is a HUGE part of my life right now but it’s not the ONLY thing in my life. My life is actually really good other than this. So good that I’ve decided to make a list of things I’m thankful for. I think it’s appropriate with it being a new year and all….

1.       My husband. You guys? He is awesome. He makes me laugh every SINGLE DAY no matter what is going on in our lives. I know that he gets as frustrated as I do with everything that’s going on but we both deal with it the best way we know how. He has been getting up with me at the crack of dawn to drive me to my appointments because he knows I hate to go alone. I love that guy.

2.       My job. I actually really like it. I’m a Compliance Analyst for a very large company which is challenging but yet it’s laid back enough where I can do things like… update my blog, or talk to my nurse on the phone, or leave work when I need to. I’m the youngest person in the area that I work in which is really nice because I generally don’t have to hear any pregnancy announcements! Everyone in my area is either finished having children or they have grandchildren. Occasionally I’m forced to look at pictures of the super cute grandchildren of co-workers, but I can deal with that. I also have an office that I stay in pretty much all day so that’s nice too (gives me plenty of private time to Google anything I want!). The other plus? My husband works in the same building as me so I talk to him on instant messenger a lot during my work days. I love it.

3.       My stepson. As I’ve mentioned before, I have a 14 year old stepson. Everytime I hear someone talk about issues that they have with their stepchildren, I remind myself how lucky I am. My stepson lives with us full time (his mom and stepdad live in Austria, so he travels to see them a few times a year) and we get along great. We all have so much fun together and it makes me a little sad to think that he is already a freshman in high school! One of the many reasons that I would like to have a baby sooner rather than later is because I want our child to know their brother. I want us all to live under the same roof and enjoy each other before he goes to college. Anway… I’m going on a TTC rant again but all I really wanted to say is I’m thankful for my stepson and happy that we get along so well!

4.       My pups! Because, seriously... how can you not be thankful for these two precious cuties??

Sophie (Yes... She IS wearing a bathing suit. And she LOVES it.)



Josie

5.       Friends. There are very few friends who know about everything we are going through right now. We have mostly just told close family members and plan to keep it that way until we get some really good news. But we love our friends. I love to go out and with them and have a good time and laugh and most importantly, not think about anything related to infertility for a while.

6.       My parents. My parents are divorced but I’m very close to each of them. They have been such a huge support and so patient with me through everything. I know they are hoping that we get some good news very, very soon and I will be very excited when we finally have some good news to share with them.

7.       TV. I know…. But I really am thankful for it! I don’t sit on my butt for hours watching it or anything but I appreciate the distraction when I do watch it. I am a HUGE fan of The Office … it’s like, the most hilarious show ever. I’m also in love with Jim Halpert…. Who happens to be a fictional character on the show, but that does not change my love for him.

8.       For my fertility clinic. I really wasn’t going to put this on here but I am truly thankful for them. EVERYONE that I have ever dealt with has been extremely helpful and encouraging. I feel completely comfortable there and I’m incredibly thankful that I am being treated by them.

I probably could list more, but I just realized how long this post is getting. I just needed to write this post to remind myself that my life doesn’t (or shouldn’t) completely revolve around infertility. We are doing everything we can to change our current situation and that is all we can do.

I just hope that 2011 will bring even more to be thankful for! :)

CD 3…. Round 3

Today is CD 3…. Of my third fertility treatment cycle. If I do get pregnant this cycle (please, please, PLEASE!) this would be my third pregnancy.

I’m starting 100 mg of Clomid tonight (up from 50 mg the previous two cycles).

I hope the third time is the charm.

Clomid Cycle #2 – BFN

UGH. I took a pregnancy test on New Year’s Eve at 14 DPO…. And I got a BFN. What a perfect way to end a terrible, terrible year.  I’m still waiting for my period to arrive so that I can move on to 100 mg of Clomid. Today is CD 39…. This has been the longest cycle EVER. I’m SO ready to move on.

Also, my doctor called me over my Christmas vacation to discuss the MTHFR diagnosis. I was concerned that I should be on injectable blood thinners in addition to the baby aspirin and I was curious to know what her thoughts were. She told me that because my homocysteine levels were normal and because I do not have any additional issues (such as Factor V Leiden) she feels that additional blood thinners are definitely not needed. She offered to refer me to another doctor for a second opinion but I declined. I completely trust my doctor and her recommendations. I felt so much more comfortable after talking with her.

Other than my disappointing New Year’s Eve, my Christmas was actually pretty great. We ate a lot of great food and spent lots of time with family and friends. I made homemade Cream of Crab soup on Christmas Eve and it was AMAZING. My family is totally addicted. I also made Prime Rib for the first time on Christmas Day… I was really nervous but it turned out perfect! I was really proud of myself! :)

 Anyway… Goodbye 2010. You were a total jerk and I will not miss you one bit.

2011? Could we be best friends? Please, please be nice to me.